Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Non-Jews are for practice
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
