We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
