Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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