marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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