I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize