Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
