There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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