Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Who died my cat blue again?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
