We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
