Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
