I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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