Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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