Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
