college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
