So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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