How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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