I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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