How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize