just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
