you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
