you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
