I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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