Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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