I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
