DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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