Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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