My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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