do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
