Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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