I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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