I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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