I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
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On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
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Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
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