We named our party play list daddy issues
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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