im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
