I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
