i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
