he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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