jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
