Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
