She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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