The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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