i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
They have beer where we have blood.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
