i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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