i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
