When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
