yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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