after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
COCAINE IS GR8
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
