This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
