i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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