i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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