for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
