you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
