peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
