the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
