My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
porn star boner night. come get it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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