There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
