girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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