just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
