my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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