Having a random hookup so left but love u
I am spending my child support on dildos
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
