it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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