So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
