You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
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Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
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The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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