if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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