made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I think my moral compass just broke
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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