never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
