Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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