He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
