I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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