i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
