he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
