No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Text me some of your sweat
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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