No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
